Why is it that Sunday mornings are always the time I feel like being alone reading, journaling, writing and meditating in prayer. The one morning of the week that I should be attending church to build relationships and worship God, which I inevitably do, I want to be a recluse. Why can't I feel this way on any other morning of the week? Why is it always SUNDAY?
Regardless, this morning was no different. I awoke today like any other Sunday. It's as though my journal was standing bedside like a little child anxiously awaiting my eyes to open. Just one eye, that's all it takes, and so it begins. "I feel like writing." "I should stay home and read today." "I haven't journaled in a long time. I wish I could find time to do it every day. Maybe I'll stay home today instead of going to church." Every....single....Sunday. So what did I do? I went to church.
Today my pastor stood before me as we began a new sermon series "JESUS! Myth, Madman or Messiah?" and posed a question to me. Who do YOU say Jesus is? Immediately, I said to myself 'Messiah of course'. It was automatic. There, I decided, was a problem. Don't get me wrong, it's good that I knew his identity, and with confidence too! It's also good that I know where my faith is. I just didn't like that when my pastor posed the question I didn't take it to a deeper level before I answered it. After all, I believe that was his intention in asking it. Hoping to cause us to dig a little deeper. Not me though, I knew the answer and I just spouted it off as quick as I could (in my head) as though I was playing "Family Feud". "Steve, were going to play!" I recognized the conviction immediately and when it was time for communion I approached it a little differently.
Now, here's a little peek inside my brain. I'm a very visual person. As people speak my brain creates a motion picture of whatever it is they're saying. When I ponder things the same thing happens. If I can't see it in my head being played out then I'm confused. That being said, Pastor began to prepare us for communion and I remember him saying a few things that caused a new motion picture to be born.
He talked about Jesus as he broke bread with his disciples saying there was nothing unusual about it. There was nothing magical about the bread. He continued saying the same about the wine as well. However, as pastor described that event my brain saw it differently. Nothing pastor said was wrong, nor offensive. My vision of the event was just different than the few words pastor spoke. It was as though I was standing across the room watching the event take place.
I saw Jesus sitting at a long rectangular table. A table that was very short so that each of them sat with their legs crossed underneath it. Him and his closest friends sat close together sharing a meal and a glass of wine. Talking and laughing. Patting each other on the back. Sharing their experiences. I imagined it the same as I myself have done with my closest friends throughout the years. Suddenly I felt the closeness between them, as I believe He felt it. That same closeness and love that I have felt around the table with my own lifelong friends and loved ones. Then I saw Jesus take hold of the bread and raise it to chest height over the table. As he carefully made eye contact with each disciple he said, "This is my body, broken for you. Eat it and remember me." That phrase right there "broken for you." caught my attention and caused me to ask myself, 'Why would his body be broken?' as though I was one of the disciples in the room. The part where he said "This is my body" & "Eat it and remember me." would not be so UNUSUAL. However, like myself, in my vision the disciples as they listened had a look upon their faces of concern. It was as if they were asking the same question within themselves. Then Jesus broke off a piece from the main loaf and passed it to each of them. The disciples looked at the bread in their hands and then looked back at Jesus. He then raised a cup of wine. Again, about chest height. Carefully making eye contact with each disciple he continued. "This is my blood, poured out for you. Drink it and remember me." I agree that these basic elements are not unusual in themselves. Paired with statements such as these make them very UNUSUAL. I believe Jesus' disciples picked up on the unusual tone that the room had just been set in. The same way that I did. I found myself thinking that my time was now very limited with Jesus. I felt my heart become heavy because of the symbolism he used with these very basic day to day items. At that moment they all ate their bread and drank their wine. Another life changing event they ALL experienced together and one I KNOW they never forgot.
That entire vision happened in a matter of about 5-10 seconds. Isn't it amazing how that happens? I walked up and was handed my own piece of bread from the main loaf. The Body of Jesus. Then I was offered grape juice. The Blood of Jesus. I put the two in my mouth together but I did not chew. I focused on Jesus as I knelt on the stage steps. I thought about the bread and juice pressed between the roof of my mouth and my tongue. The juice began to flow out of the bread. The bread left between my tongue and the roof of my mouth began to break apart. More symbolism. I thanked Jesus for what he did for me and, for today's experience. When I sat back down my brain immediately went back to the room with Jesus and his disciples. I asked myself. Did Jesus know back then that's what happens when you press the bread and wine between your tongue and the roof of your mouth when you take the two together? Was that part of the experience back then? Or was that just my own experience? That's a trivial question, I know. But that's where my mind went next!
